Minute 036: I Can Make it More Psychotic


A drug dealer is trying to sell Ed drugs in front of Fredrick’s of Hollywood. Ed declines. 

“No, thank you,” says Ed. 

“No?” replies the drug dealer. “No sweat!” He hands Ed a business card. “Call me!” says the drug dealer, before walking away from The KING Lives car. 

Diana looks at Ed. “I don’t know,” says Diana, “I don’t know who those men are. If you want to get out here, go ahead.” Ed looks at her, puzzled. 

The scene cuts to the entrance of a casino. A woman screams as gunshots ring out. Two men tumble through the door, followed by a half-dozen bikini-clad beauty pageant contestants. 

As the camera pulls back, there’s a banner above the door that says “Miss Galaxy Beauty Pageant.”

“Get back everybody!” yells a man in a knit cap, holding a gun to the head of one of the beauty contest women. 

“Let me go!” yells the woman. 

Miss Australia, Miss South America, and a blonde Miss Asia reel back in terror. 

“I wanna see Detective Kalijak, and I mean now!” yells the man with the gun. 

“Aaaand – – cut!” says the director. The screaming woman smiles and starts to chew gum. The end scene bell ring, and the man with the gun  walks toward the director, who is riding a Chapman crane. 

“Did you like that one?” asks the gunman. 

“That was fine!” replies the director, holding a can of Tab soda. “DAVID!” he yells to an assistant. 

“I can make it more psychotic,” says the gunman, waving his pistol around.

“It was fine,” replies the director, moving the barrel of the pistol away from his face. “DAVID!” repeats the director, a bit more urgently.

Ed and Diana are standing near a row of studio trailers. 

“Do they need all these people to film a TV show?” asks Ed. Diana ignores the question.

“Well, I appreciate all your help, Ed,” says Diana. “I’ll get you to a phone and you can call a taxi.  I’m fine now.” She smiles at him. “Thanks, really,” she says, touching his arm. Diana turns and walks away. 

In This Episode:

  • Jeff Goldblum    as Ed Okin
  • Michelle Pfeiffer     as Diana
  • Rick Baker    as Drug Dealer
  • Kathryn Harrold    as Christie
  • Colin Higgins   as Kalijak Actor
  • Daniel Petrie     as Kalijak Director
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